Infertility – something that is a shameful, dismissed, and most importantly not discussed.
Life of Infertility –
Pretending to be happy as you continue to hear of everyone around you conceiving, then going home and taking another pregnancy test PRAYING this one will be positive.
Talking to people and having them tell you to enjoy your time not being a parent because once it is, your life is “over”. However, inside you are screaming at them and telling them they have no idea how lucky they are to have the family they have and that it was so “easy” for them to conceive. On the outside, you put that smile back on your face and walk away telling them how beautiful their family is. As you walk away, the panic sets in, “Will that ever be me? Will I ever get to have that family?”
Lately my struggle has been my frustration and complete sadness when it comes to our infertility. There is no amount of mediating, going to the gym, drinking my wine, or anything that can resolve my longing. The longer is doesn’t happen, the sadder and more insecure I become with myself and my body.
Luckily, my saving grace is my faith. Believing that whether we do or don’t become successful is all in God’s plan.
It just sometimes really hurts to wish.